


The Reappearance of a Forgotten Promise

by cwnorth



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Adult Ciel Phantomhive, Aged-Up Character(s), Drama & Romance, M/M, Romance, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2020-12-20 23:16:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21064811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cwnorth/pseuds/cwnorth
Summary: Ciel woke from the moment not in darkness, as he had expected, but in light. Sebastian, only moments before leaning down to kiss him and take his soul, had suddenly vanished from sight, and more shocking than that was how Ciel finds himself alive, breathing, and all too horribly alone.5 years have passed since that day, and Sebastian never showed his face again. Confused, angry, and feeling more than a little betrayed, Ciel now finds himself pressured into finally proposing to his cousin Elizabeth, their arranged marriage looming in the very near future. Ciel long threw away hopes for a life he wanted, but does he even know what exactly it is he dreams of? And will a certain butler's reappearance undo everything he thought he knew about himself and bring him a new reason to live?





	1. The Butler, Gone

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have not finished the manga, though I have read much of it in the past. I am currently rereading it right now and that may influence my writing eventually ... or it may not. Most of this is made up anyway, possibly canon divergent, so please give me grace ❤️ Enjoy and thank you for reading!

The sound of rain echoed through the dark bedroom as Ciel yawned at the thought of getting out of bed. Really, when had he started taking a liking to lying down in the afternoons and sleeping until past dinner? Baldo had even stopped making Ciel his evening meal after two weeks of this new habit had continued. Ciel didn’t mind, or blame him. It was common sense (that his servants managed to use for once) and Ciel had no intention of eating. He hadn’t possessed a proper appetite longer than he could remember. He mostly nibbled here and there. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time the manor had hosted a proper dinner party. What did a five course meal even look like? He didn’t really care anymore. Elizabeth would take care of all of that once they were married. 

He groaned. That’s right. His Aunt Fancis would be visiting tomorrow morning to discuss just that very thing. How he was nineteen now and it was “far past time to be tying the knot” with his cousin Elizabeth. Ciel had to admit he’d been putting off proposing for months now, since before he turned 18, and he really had no good reason for it beyond the fact that he was just scared.

Scared of what? Was it commitment? It shouldn’t be. Ciel was someone who kept his promises without fail. Was he afraid of the change? Of having someone take care of the house and make new plans for their life? No… 

He supposed if he was being honest with himself he was afraid that he wouldn’t make Elizabeth happy. She assured him that this was far from the case, but Ciel wasn’t convinced. He had nothing to offer her. Hell, he could barely kiss her without feeling guilty inside. But why did he feel guilty? _ Why _?

Ciel groaned again as he sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Dammit, he really wished someone would read to him, or simply give his shoulders a rub. The doctor had been warning him of the tension he was carrying in his shoulders and back, due to stress most likely.

He sighed. If only Sebastian were here.


	2. The Butler, Replaced

“There is no reason to put it off any longer, Nephew.” Aunt Francis sat down her teacup and glared at the teenager across from her. “The agreement was once you turned 18 you two would wed. You are not a man quick to break your promises, this I know. Therefore, I’m not sure why this time you see fit to keep us all waiting. It’s been over a year since then, do you intend to wait till you are 20?”

Ciel tried not to roll his eyes, although one of his eyebrows did twitch in distaste. “I am not breaking my word, Aunt Francis. I will wed her, I simply… haven’t found the most opportune time to do so yet.” He likewise sat down his cup and poured his Aunt another. “Don’t you want it to be the most memorable experience possible for Elizabeth?” he added, smirking to himself for throwing that little bait to her. “Surrounded by roses and candlelight, an enormous ring on her finger?”

“Well it’s certainly not money you lack, if that’s all you’re waiting for.”

“It’s not,” Ciel snapped, biting his lip moments after. _ I have to get my heart in order first _ , he thought to himself, _ and it’s taking a lot longer than I thought it would. 5 damn years longer. _

Aunt Francis sighed as she took the newly refilled cup Ciel offered to her. “Not to change the subject, but it certainly would be nice to have this conversation with you uninterrupted. How long are you going to play master _ and _ host? When are you going to hire a new butler?”

_ Too soon, _ Ciel growled internally. “Never,” he spoke allowed. “I’m tired of reminding everyone that I have no intention of getting a new butler. Tanaka suits me just fine.”

“Lizzie will certainly hire new staff, I hope you realize. Then your silly grudge will have to be tamed.”

“It’s not a grudge,” Ciel glared at his Aunt, causing her to hide behind a sip of tea. “It’s…”

“I understand,” Francis whispered. “There was no one like Sebastian.”

Hearing his name spoken aloud hurt more than Ciel thought it would. In fact, that was the first time someone had dared to say it to his face in over a year at least. “No there wasn’t,” Ciel found himself saying aloud. “No one like him in heaven...or hell.”

Aunt Francis let out a breathy chuckle. “Enough of this, I apologise. Let’s continue talking of your plans for the garden.”

Finally, this was conversation Ciel could work around for hours.

  


After Aunt Francis left, Ciel felt utterly drained. Making conversation was an art, and one he could manage for hours on end - really it was a simple skill every Lord and Lady was required to possess - but just because he could perform with the best of them didn’t mean he wasn’t tired after. He slumped against the back of the door and sighed. Before she left Aunt Francis had her usual chat with the servants to make sure they were performing as required. She made sure Baldo was preparing proper dishes for Ciel, things he liked and things he didn’t like but needed to eat to remain healthy. Ciel hadn’t had a sweet dish in years since Sebastian left. Sebastion was the only one who would make them for him. Baldo reminded him constantly that he “wasn’t no damned pastry chef.” 

Then Aunt Francis attacked Mey Rin, making sure she was keeping the silverware in good condition, that all the china was accounted for (surprisingly Mey Rin had become less clumsy since Sebastian’s absence. Or maybe that wasn’t surprising, since there was no longer anyone around to distract her from her duties) and that the rooms were getting aired out properly, and yes, even the ones that weren’t being used. That was mostly Ciel’s fault since he hadn’t hosted guests in the manor since he was 14. 

Lastly, Aunt Francis sank her fangs into Finnian, going over all the tedious (or what Ciel considered tedious) workings of caring for the expansive grounds of the estate. Somehow he managed most of it well, but Aunt Francis insisted this time that she send over some help, just for the grounds, and Finnian could instruct them however he saw fit. Honestly Ciel didn’t care about the gardens anymore. He never bothered to go outside. What was the point of wandering around alone admiring flowers that no longer held any beauty for him? They seemed so...ordinary.

Everything about his life felt so terribly normal and it drove him bloody insane.

In fact, the insanity of it made him yell aloud, his voice echoing across the expansive ceilings above him. 

No one came running. 

Sometimes, Ciel wanted to cry. He didn’t, of course. He was pretty sure he’d forgotten how to cry by now. Nothing stirred him enough to cause tears. But he _ wanted _ to cry, he wished he _ could _. Then perhaps he’d feel more human. Really, it made him more angry than anything else that he still felt this way after so long. He shouldn’t even be bothered by silly things like wanting to cry. He wasn’t a child anymore. This childish behavior would get him nowhere. He wished he could slap himself and wake up from this pit of despair he found himself in everyday. 

“Sir?”

Ciel started at the voice that spoke from his left. Tanaka stood in the door frame of the parlor, the dismantled tea tray in his hands. “Oh, thank you for clearing that away, Tanaka.” Ciel stood up straight and stepped away from the door he’d been leaning against. “I could have handled that.”

“It is not your place to do so, Master,” Tanaka reassured him. 

Ciel sighed. Really, when was this man going to retire?

“I’ll be here as long as you need me, sir.” Tanaka said, reading the look on Ciel’s face, and then he dared to ask, “Are you alright, Master? Shall I bring a cup of warm milk to your chamber this evening?” 

Ciel looked at the ground and then back up the long, grand staircase in front of him. “No, thank you, Tanaka. I’ll be fine.” It wasn’t fair to make the old man walk so far for one glass of milk. Someone...younger should do that.

Tanaka bowed, “As you wish, my Lord.”

Ciel watched him walk away, slowly, carefully balancing the dirty tea dishes on the silver platter in his hands. “Tanaka!” Ciel suddenly called after him, causing the elderly servant to turn back around. 

Ciel swallowed, his brain fighting his body, fighting his heart, fighting his will. “Put out an ad in the papers at your earliest convenience tomorrow. We’re going to hire a new butler.”

Tanaka made no movement with his body but his eyes widened, ever so slightly. Ciel just barely caught it, but it was enough to make his heart contract._ I know, _ Ciel thought to himself, _ I’m crazy. I’m not ready. I’m not ready. It’s too soon. _

“Yes, Master,” Tanaka bowed once more, and left Ciel in the empty foyer. 

Ciel swallowed, the sound of it echoing around in his head. This was for Elizabeth, and Aunt Francis. This would be better for everyone; Baldo, Mey Rin, Finnian. They needed the extra help. It was time to stop mourning. If he was going to have a wife soon this was bound to happen anyway. He could think of a million reasons this was a good idea on paper, but in his heart it felt...tratorious.

He hoped this was the right damned decision.

They had 35 applications within two days. Ciel wasn’t surprised in the least. The Phantomhive name was a widespread one, and its connection to the Funtom Company caused many an individual to seek employment from either. To work for the Phantomhives was an honor, and would secure any eventual endeavor an individual could seek thereafter. Ciel was not intimidated by this, in fact, he was glad that finding such help was so easy because of his reputation in society. 

However, after looking through references and resumes, Ciel managed to narrow down the 35 applicants to 11 in-person interviews. They would begin at 9 in the morning and end at half past 4. He had requested Tanaka send each applicant a calling card with their requested time of appointment. He did not allow them to choose their interview time. If they really wanted to work for the Phantomhives, the individual would make Ciel’s requested time work. 

After a quick breakfast of scones with raspberry jam, cinnamon oatmeal, and copious amounts of Earl Grey tea, Ciel made his way to his study, the large mahogany desk and black leather wingback chair looming intimidatingly before him. He smiled. If this room didn’t scare off half the applicants, he might actually find someone reliable. 

Turns out it was harder than he imagined, or maybe he had too high of standards. Honestly, though, Ciel thought his standards were understandably high for the place he held in polite society. The first three applicants were quaking in their boots at the mere sight of the house and then Ciel himself. Ciel was stunningly beautiful and terribly angry. Unsurprisingly, most people didn’t do well around that combination. Ciel didn’t mean to snap at every poor answer (_ okay, perhaps he did. It’s only they were so stupid, he couldn’t help himself but be sarcastic! _) but after 3 questions out of 22, Ciel simply couldn’t take it anymore and sent them on their not-so-merry way. 

“You ought to at least let them finish the questions, my Lord,” Mey Rin had interjected at one point as she brought him a snack and a fresh pot of tea. “They all do seem very nice.”

“Nice doesn’t matter if the person doesn’t possess common sense,” Ciel bickered. Mey Rin quickly blushed, bowed, and scurried out of the room, and only after that did Ciel realize maybe what he’d said wasn’t appropriate in the company of his current not-so-common-sense filled employees.

Ciel sighed as he drank his tea and shuffled through the papers of prospective butlers. They appeared more than capable on paper, but after the handful he’d spoken with this morning, he was starting to lose patience and hope. Hopefully the next candidate would change is mind. 

Richard Hart was his name, and Ciel was finally, actually, quite impressed. His demeanor and wit matched what his references said about him, and Ciel even found himself amused at one of his sly jokes, perfectly thrown in at just the right moment. Ciel was almost postive Richard was someone he would hire, regardless of positioning him as butler or otherwise. Ciel simply felt he would be well placed in the manor, and would be a good leader and influncer over Baldo, Mey Rin, and Finnian. 

“I’m impressed by your experience,” Ciel said aloud. “Your previous place of employment is surprising. I actually know the Marquis quite well.”

“Of course!” Richard countered. “The Marquis always spoke highly of Funtom Corporation. There’s nowhere else they’ll buy their children’s Christmas gifts.”

“Glad to hear it,” Ciel smirked, noting to himself his previous arrangement with the Marquis was still holding firm. Good. The work he’d done with Sebastian hadn’t crumbled even 5 years later. A shadow crossed his brow. Now was not the time to be thinking of the past.

“Well, Mr. Hart, I’m pleased to say you answered all my questions most agreeably. I do think you’d be a perfect fit for the estate.”

“That’s quite an honor to hear sir, thank you.”

“I will contact you in the morning directly, regardless of my decision either way. If I cannot offer you the position of butler, I most certainly could find use for your talents in other arenas.”

“Thank you, sir. I look forward to hearing from you. Thank you for your time.”

The two shook hands and Ciel personally escorted him to the study door. When he’d left, Ciel smiled to himself and sighed contentedly. At least there was one person he could hire if no one else proved more suitable. That was a relief. If he could just get through the last three interviews then he could offer Richard a formal proposal. Ciel sat down and rang for his afternoon tea. He’d skipped lunch altogether, but it didn’t bother him. Honestly he could live on tea and scones and be perfectly content. 

Ciel sat with his back to the door, sipping his tea as he flipped through the next applicants resume and references. Surprisingly, he hadn’t heard of any of these people. Perhaps this person was a foreigner? He glanced at the name again. Sero Morgan? What sort of name _ was _ that? Well, the references were very basic; good time management skills, professional, intentional. Nothing wowed Ciel at first glance but then again, meeting someone in person was always different than paper.

A knock came to the door.

“Enter,” Ciel called. 

It was Tanaka. “Excuse me, my Lord, I’m sorry to interrupt but your next candidate is here.”

Ciel didn’t bother to spin around and face him, but he did note an odd tone in Tanaka’s voice. “Alright, send him in.”

Tanaka didn’t leave. “I beg your pardon, my Lord, but… perhaps you should... cancel the rest of the interviews.”

“What’s that?” Ciel said absentmindedly, half reading and half listening to his elderly servant. 

“Did you not find Mr. Hart agreeable?”

“Oh yes, indeed, I’ll most likely offer him the position.”

“Then, my Lord…”

“Tanaka,” Ciel sat down his tea cup forcefully, yet not hard enough to shatter it. “It is not polite to send away the rest of the applicants when they have already travelled here to the manor for their interview. Although I am most certain I’ve made my choice, no one needs to know that but myself. Do you understand?”

“Y-Yes, my Lord.” Tanaka did still sound as if he wanted to say more, but he refrained, acknowledging his place. 

“Send in the next candidate, please,” Ciel commanded.

“Yes, my Lord.”

Tanaka took his leave and Ciel massaged his temple. Really, why couldn’t his servants just bite their tongues and leave him be? He heard the door click open once more, but now Ciel was perturbed and continued to refrain from turning back around. He held the papers in his hands and looked out the window at his gardens, making a mental note to scold Finnian for not weeding the west flower beds. “Please take a seat,” Ciel told the man behind him, motioning towards the chair he knew was somewhere behind him. 

“Thank you,” the voice responded.

Ciel froze.

_That voice._

A shiver shook his entire body and it was impossible to hide. He staggered a bit but regained his composure. How...strange. This man sounded just like… impossible. And besides, how embarrassing that this person had barely spoken two words and Ciel thought it sounded like _him_. 

He cleared his throat. “Ah yes, now then. Your references all seem quite good, tell me, why do you think the position of a butler is appropriate for you?”

The man took a moment, then answered clearly in that eerily similar voice, “It’s all I’ve ever known. I could never see myself working as anything but a butler, and for your family would, of course, be the ultimate honor and goal I have.”

“What about the Phantomhives makes you so eager to work for me?”

“There’s no one in society with your reputation. You, the watchdog of the Queen. Or I suppose you are no longer referred to as such, considering that line of work has ceased.”

Ciel felt his knees grow weak. No one knew that. Know one _should_ know that, especially not a lowly servant. He felt his temperature rise as his anger and discomfort grew. Who _was_ this person? He suddenly remembered Tanaka asking him to cease the interviews. Was it because of this man? Did Tanaka see him and know something? What the _ hell _ was going on?! If this was a joke, it wasn’t funny in the slightest, and he’d kill anyone who thought it was. Ciel’s hand twitched at his hip as he felt for the thing that sat at his waist beyond the tail of his coat.

“Tell me,” Ciel continued. “If there’s one thing you could say about your line of work as a butler, what would you say to convince me I should hire you?”

“That’s easy, my Lord. I am merely one hell of a butler.”

Ciel flinched, grabbed the gun at his waist, and spun around. What he wasn’t prepared for was the face that stared back at him from across the desk.

Before he could control his shock, he fired.

“_ S-Sebastian?! _”


	3. The Butler, Returned

The bullet grazed the side of Sebastian’s cheek, a small trickle of blood smeared like a lipstick stained kiss. He had a horrified look on his face which Ciel was confused by because if he really were Sebastian, he could’ve caught the bullet mid-air if he wanted to. 

“Who are you?” Ciel growled, gun still poised in front of him. 

“Ci...Young Master, I-“

“Stop! Don’t call me that!” Ciel was near tears, but he choked back every ounce of emotion he wanted to show. He felt like his heart would crack in half if he kept looking at this face that haunted him in his dreams every night. “Why are you here? Who sent you? Is this some sort of sick joke?!”

“No, my Lord. It’s not. It’s...me. Sebastian.”

Ciel stopped talking long enough to really look at the person in front of him. He looked identical to Sebastian, it was true. Even five years couldn’t dim the perfect image Ciel kept of his old butler in his mind. His hair, the way his body leaned slightly forward when he sat. His eyes…

Actually, his eyes weren’t as red as Ciel remembered them. They seemed to have lost their glow. Ciel understood that, though. His own eye that used to be imprinted with their covenant mark still held it’s odd purple hue, but the pentagram had since vanished and the color severely dimmed. 

“How can I believe you?” Ciel pressed on. “My butler disappeared five years ago and hasn’t shown his face since. I’m just supposed to believe you...he...just decides to come back after all that time… for what?” Ciel knew he wasn’t making any sense, but what about this situation made any sense at all?

“Where do you want me to begin?” Sebastian replied. “How I found you after the fire? How we made our covenant and fought your battles side by side? Do you want me to tell you about your parents? About the queen? About any of our escapades? Pick one and I’ll tell you it in detail. I remember it all.”

Ciel was speechless, and his arm was growing weak from holding the gun out. He didn’t want to let his guard down but his reflexes were decent enough if this man were to prove a traitor, so he lowered the weapon to his side. Besides… he did look so much like Sebastian, and all the things he mentioned just now were true.

“I...I want to believe it’s you,” Ciel whispered. “But I don’t want to get hurt again.” _ Dammit, Ciel! _he scolded himself. This was idiotic, being this vulnerable in front of someone he wasn’t sure he could trust. He straightened his shoulders and looked up. “Stand,” he commanded the man in front of him, who promptly obliged. “Tell me this then. What were the terms of our contract?”

Sebastian smiled mischievously. “Really, my Lord, you could have chosen something more difficult. But, as you wish,” he said as he took a step to the side of the desk. “I must protect and never betray you.” Another step and he was around the other side of it. “I must obey your orders no matter what,” a step closer, and Ciel shifted his weight backwards, bumping against the side of his chair. “And lastly,” Sebastian was now directly in front of Ciel, their bodies barely one inch apart. “I must never lie to you.” His eyes bore into Ciel’s until he felt as if he were laid bare before him.

“Is it really you?” Ciel whispered, one final desperate attempt to assure himself.

“Yes, my Lord.”

Silence, and then, the crack of skin on skin. 

Sebastian’s cheek quickly reddened from the contact of Ciel’s backhanded slap. “_YOU BASTARD!”_ Ciel yelled. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?! Leaving me there, thinking my soul was about to be taken from my body, only to wake up and find myself terribly alone, _ alive_? I wanted to die, dammit!! F-fuck you!”

Silence fell once again after Ciel’s outburst. Sebastian placed a few light fingers to his cheek and actually managed to look...ashamed. It wasn’t a look Ciel preferred on him, and it actually made him grow more angry. 

“Don’t look at me like that!” Ciel growled. “And don’t say you’re sorry or some stupid shit like that! It won’t mean a thing.” 

Sebastian didn’t speak.

“Why,” Ciel asked. “Why didn’t you do it? Why didn’t you take my soul? We fulfilled our agreement. I got what I wanted, and you were supposed to take my soul. Why didn’t you? What are you playing at?” 

“I…” Sebastian actually seemed lost for words, and that made Ciel even more angry. 

“Why are you hesitating?” Ciel pressed. “Why on earth are you back here? If you knew what’s good for you, you would have stayed away. Applying for this position, _pfft_. What an idiotic thing to do.”

“I wish to work for you again.”

Ciel laughed. “You want to be my butler again? I hate to disappoint you but there’s no more midnight hunts for mafia gangs, human traffickers, or reapers gone mad.”

“I’m aware of this, my Lord.”

“Stop calling me that,” Ciel barked. 

“What would you have me call you?”

“I…” Ciel didn’t know. He simply didn’t like being reminded of anything from the past. “I promise you it won’t be anything like before. My life is different now. I..._ I’m _ different now.” 

“Is this a bad thing?” Sebastian offered.

“I don’t know. All I know is I can’t figure myself out when you always seem to cloud my judgement.”

“Have I caused such a stir in you since being away?” Sebastian’s cocky suggestion made Ciel blush and he had to turn his face away. 

“That’s ridiculous. Stop thinking so highly of yourself.”

“I _ was _ the best butler.”

“Annoying as hell, though.”

“Well that’s to be expected, considering.”

Ciel realized what he’d said and kicked himself for it. Sebastian always had a comeback for everything and he hated it. The two could go round and round for hours. “I’m still mad at you,” was all Ciel could supply to their conversation at this point. 

“I do apologize, but as you can see, I’m here now.”

“Took you damn long enough.” Ciel finally cooled his blush down enough to look at Sebastian again. Really, the man was too handsome. _ Devilishly _ so. It was quite unfair. Ciel could never match him in beauty so he had to settle for matching him in wit. “What could you possibly think I have to offer you now that our contract is severed? Are you here to finally collect your fee?”

Sebastian chuckled. “No, the contract is quite severed I assure you. Your mark is gone, as you know. Still wearing that eye patch for no reason, however. That’s rather odd.”

Ciel touched the black fabric where it met his face. “Old habits die hard, I suppose. I just got used to it. And people expected it. I suppose I felt the need to uphold the aesthetic.” 

“It always suited you, anyway,” Sebastian said, and Ciel felt his face warm up again for a reason he didn’t want to name. 

“Enough of this idle chatter, it’s annoying me. You’re really here to tell me you want to be a butler again? You’re not lying to me?”

“I’d never lie to you, my Lord.”

“The contract’s over, Sebastian. There’s no reason for you to be honest anymore.”

“True, but this time I’m sincere.”

Ciel looked the man up and down. His black suit fit him nicely, and his gloves were clean and white as they had always been. He certainly looked ready to take on the role once more. “If you so much as betray my trust once, I will cut you off with no warning, and no remorse.”

“Understood.”

“I trust you still know your duties? I won’t waste time on you if you need a refresher. I haven’t the patience for that. I need someone reliable who can step in immediately.” 

“Absolutely,” Sebastian assured him.

Ciel heard a voice in the back of his mind yelling at him that this was a bad idea. _ You’re crazy! _ it said. _ What about Richard? You want this demon back in your house? The one who left you and betrayed you, that you’ve been hung up on for five years since? _

Everyone was allowed one moment of poor decision in their lifetime. And Ciel decided this would be his. 

“Fine, I’ll have you sign papers straight away.” Ciel pushed passed Sebastian and to the door of his study where he flung it open forcefully. The faces of four guilty eavesdroppers were on the other side. “Tanaka, Baldo, Mey Rin, Finnian,” Ciel spoke loudly. “I trust you remember Sebastian.”

No one spoke. They were too stunned to do so. 

“He’ll be starting here again straight away. I expect due respect and diligence in helping him get settled. Tanaka, have Sebastian sign the employment papers, and send the rest of the applicants away.”

Tanaka looked understandably shocked, but bowed politely. “Yes, sir.”

Ciel started to walk down the hallway but turned on his heel to glare at Sebastian one last time. 

“You better not disappoint me.”


	4. The Butler, At Work

For the first time in 5 years, Ciel woke to sunlight. The heavy brocade curtains were flung back by a man clothed in black, his tall, slim figure a silhouette out of Ciel’s dreams. 

“Good morning, my Lord,” Sebastian spoke, further pulling Ciel out of his sleep and into reality. _ This isn’t a dream? _ He actually wasn’t quite sure he was awake just yet. _ Sebastian is here? How is he here? _Then suddenly the previous day’s occurrences came flooding back into his mind as he remembered their reunion mere hours ago.

A tea tray was at his bedside; a hot pot of Earl Grey tea, scones with jam, buttered toast, fried eggs, bacon, and sausage were all laid out to perfection. It was, without a doubt, the largest breakfast he’d had presented to him in the last five years, and it stunned him.

“I found the schedule journal on your desk,” Sebastian continued on, “and was surprised to see you have no appointments today, or for the next several days, it seems…” It was an open ended statement, presented as more of a question, allowing Ciel to the opportunity to respond.

“Yes, well,” Ciel grumbled, his sleepy voice so endearing that Sebastian had to will himself to remain composed. “I haven't had a full schedule in quite some time. No more running around like a chicken with my head cut off since cutting ties with the royal family’s dirty work.” Ciel sat up and took a bite of toast. “But I have more pressing matters than serving the queen now, anyway.”

“And that is?” Sebastian queried. 

“Marriage.”

Sebastian dropped the pair of shoes he’d picked up, startling Ciel into nearly choking on his bite of bacon. “Ah, to Lady Elizabeth, I presume?”

“Naturally,” Ciel recompossed himself. “Aunt Francis comes round every month to remind me of my duties, and I’ve decided to stop delaying and propose in a fortnight.”

“So soon,” Sebastian mumbled.

“Yes, well, I’m sure you can manage it,” Ciel countered, completely unaware to the tone of Sebastian’s voice, which did not hint at his anxiety towards preparation as a butler, but rather towards the state of something else in his heart. “We should discuss the plans I have for that evening promptly. There are many details to work out if I am to make it a successful endeavor.”

“You sound as if this is a mere business arrangement,” Sebastian said,

“That’s because it _ is _, Sebastian. That is what an arranged marriage is.” Ciel rolled his eyes and trudged over to the wardrobe where he selected his attire for the day; one of his many blue suits, the one he thought looked best on him. His favorite.

Sebastian cleared his throat. “What of the heart, my Lord?”

Ciel really wasn’t in the mood for this sort of conversation, especially not with Sebastian. “Ugh, why are you being so troublesome today? Are you asking if I love Lizzie? Of course I love her. I want nothing but the best for her. For her comfort, safety, and happiness.”

“And you can grant that?”

“Of course I can.” Ciel motioned for Sebastian to button his shirt, which the butler did perfectly, promptly, followed by affixing Ciel’s cravat. “Stop asking ridiculous questions. It’s putting me in a sour mood.”

“I see you haven’t changed a bit. When are you _ not _ in a sour mood,” Sebastian grumbled under his breath, shocking Ciel into silence. When had Sebastian ever dared to talk back to him in such a way? It was incredibly rude, but Ciel decided to let it slide, since it was Sebastian’s first day back, after all. Ciel quickly changed the subject. “Send for the tailor today. I want to order a new suit for the proposal.”

“Yes, my Lord.”

And with that, their morning together came to a close.

The next time Ciel called for Sebastian was during his fitting with the tailor. The tailor had brought with him several samples of fabrics for Ciel’s new suit, as well as spent a majority of the time updating his measurements. Ciel knew it was high time for an update on his measurements as the last time he’d order a new suit was...quite some time. He’d stopped growing around 16, and since then hadn’t felt the need to buy himself anything new. He rarely went out into society anymore, but if he was going to be marrying Elizabeth soon, that would all drastically change. The woman couldn’t get enough of parties, whereas Ciel was not a fan of them at all. 

“Ah, I’ve brought your afternoon tea, my Lord,” Sebastian said as he entered Ciel’s dressing room. 

“Set it there,” Ciel motioned with his chin, as both his arms were constricted by pins. “And stay for a moment, I wish to speak with you of my plans for the proposal.”

Sebastian did as he was told, setting the tray of tea and snacks on the small table by the window, and then stood at attention as Ciel prepared to lay before him the no doubt numerous tasks he would be required to oversee for the upcoming important evening. 

Ciel cleared his throat and put on his most authoritative tone. “I want to propose in the gazebo in the garden, which itself needs some heavy repair. I’d like the old wood replaced and given a fresh coat of white paint. Then I want the old shrubs removed and replaced with red roses, completely surrounding the structure. I would like some music playing, if you’re still brushed up on your violin, that would do, or actually just hire a string quartet. I don’t want to see them however, I just want to hear them. Make sure they’re out of sight. I want Lady Elizabeth and myself completely alone. After you fix the gazebo, I want you to go to the jewelers and have them prepare a selection of the finest diamond rings they carry. I’ll select one of them the week before the proposal. I want to see the biggest and most elegant rings they have. I want Lady Elizabeth to go to her silly parties afterwards and show off her ring to her friends and be able to boast the largest and most expensive jem. Of course we’ll have dinner afterwards, so contact Aunt Francis and have all of Lady Elizabeth’s friends present, and all our extended family. I want this to be a huge soiree. A fine meal, spare no expense. I want the freshest ingredients. And of course a cake, something large and showy. Baldo will have no success, so bake it yourself if you have to.”

Ciel paused.

“I suppose that’s all, for now. The wedding will be another matter entirely, but I shouldn’t have much say in that. Of course, I’ll send you to the Midford’s if they need your assistance at that point, but one thing at a time.”

Ciel continued to appraise his appearance in the mirror until he noticed the silence that followed his substantial monologue. He turned to find Sebastian gaping at him, and the look made Ciel scoff. “What’s that face for? Your history as my butler tells me this should be nothing for you.”

“Y-Yes, my Lord,” Sebastian stammered, bowing politely. “I better excuse myself to get started, then.” 

Ciel smirked, unknowing, “Indeed.”

Before Sebastian could leave the room completely, Ciel stopped him once more. “Oh, and Sebastian, after dinner, prepare my bath.”

Sebastian’s face flushed, and he touched his warm cheeks. _ What an odd sensation_, he thought, _ That’s new. _ He bowed to Ciel once more, “Yes, my Lord.” Then he was gone as quickly as he came.

Dinner was better than it had been in a while, Ciel noted to himself pleasantly. He had missed Sebastian’s attention to detail when it came to preparing meals. The soup was the perfect temperature, the salad delightfully crisp, and the roast perfectly broiled. Ciel was not one to give compliments easily, however, he thought perhaps at some point he should commend Sebastian on his relatively smooth return to servant life. 

After dinner, Ciel made his way back to his boudoir where he opened the door to find his butler pouring a bucket of boiling water from the fire into the large tub that sat in front of the hearth. Sebastian had his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, and Ciel noted for the first time that he wasn’t wearing his gloves. It made sense, of course; he was handling water, and since the covenant mark was gone, there was nothing to hide. Ciel let himself imagine for a moment what those bare hands might feel like but quickly brushed the thought away. Skin on skin contact wasn’t something he needed to be troubled with right now. 

“It’s just about ready, my Lord,” Sebastian spoke into the quiet of the room. His voice, mixed with the crackling fire and the sound of moving water, sent chills down Ciel’s spine, and Sebastian noticed. “Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes, of course,” Ciel responded gruffly, making his way behind the dressing screen in the corner of the room. “I’m utterly exhausted from all the work this proposal is turning into,” he continued to speak to his butler from behind the obstruction. 

Sebastian would have rolled his eyes at the ridiculous comment if he hadn’t been utterly distracted by the way the firelight lit up Ciel’s silhouette in the paper thin veil of the dressing screen. He felt a lump in his throat that was hard to swallow. Yet another strange sensation he was unfamiliar with. “Indeed, my Lord,” was all that he ended up voicing in response to Ciel’s comment. “Your bath is ready now.”

Ciel came out from behind the screen in a long silk dressing gown that trailed along the floor behind him. It looked slightly too large for his frame, but the way it hung off one of his shoulders startled an imperceptible gasp out of the butler. “Would you go fetch me something to eat?” Ciel asked, not noticing anything out of the ordinary. “I’m feeling peckish. Chocolate, I think.”

Sebastian remembered for a moment how he used to frequently deny Ciel sweets, but the way Ciel looked now - older, pale, carved by the hand of a renaissance artist - Sebastian couldn’t imagine denying him anything he asked. “Of course.” The butler dismissed himself from the room, and Ciel let the dressing gown fall to the floor around him in a pool of glittering fabric.

He was glad Sebastian was gone as he slipped into the bath undisturbed, the sound of the crackling fire and the hot water quickly easing the tension in his shoulders. He let out a sigh, suddenly realizing how physically tired he really was. He had no reason to be, but whatever the cause he certainly had been carrying some weight lately. As if he were holding his breath, but for what he couldn’t say. The image of Sebastian pouring the water in the tub, his bare hands and slender fingers gently holding the silver bucket, reappeared in Ciel’s mind, sending a sharp jolt of _ something _ straight towards his lower stomach. He frowned. No, this was not going to happen. He spent five years avoiding this, controlling this urge, and he wouldn’t fail now. He pulled his hands out of the water and firmly gripped the sides of the tub. 

Damn that butler. 

Sebastian made his way lazily to the kitchen where Baldo was still cleaning up from that evening’s supper. The cook didn’t pay much mind to the butler as he poked in cupboards and in the icebox, looking for anything that might suit his master’s taste. He eventually found some bonbons that he hoped weren’t too old, and arranged them on top of a paper sheet which he then placed on the quintessential silver tray. He carefully carried the chocolate treats back to Ciel’s chamber where his hand hovered over the door handle, hesitating. He had to steel himself for a moment before knocking on the door and then swinging it open.

It was a sight, just as he had anticipated. 

Ciel’s back was towards him, his arms dangling gracefully over the sides of the tub. His silver hair shed droplets of water onto the rug beneath him as his head hung lazily over the edge of the curved tub. A pale knee breached the milky water of the bath hinting at the rest of the body beneath the surface of the water. 

Sebastian walked slowly, silently, to where he could set the tray on the small table beside his master’s resting form. Not silently enough however as Ciel opened an eye to see what had been brought him. “Ah, perfect,” he whispered, his own voice hinting at his desire not to disturb the peace. 

Sebastian watched as Ciel’s small, thin fingers reached to grab a chocolate, the candy passing his lips all too seductively as his tongue enveloped it and pulled it into his mouth. 

_ What a tease, _he thought. 

Ciel sat up after a moment, not noticing that Sebastian hadn’t left yet, and yawned, grabbing the cloth and bar soap that was in a basket beside him. 

“Allow me,” a deep voice echoed behind him. Ciel flinched as cold hands closed over his own, taking the soap and wash rag from his fingers.

_ Ah, so that is the feeling, _ he thought. _ Flesh upon flesh. _

It was more than brief, a mere flash, but it was enough to pull Ciel completely out of his reviere. He didn’t object to Sebastian’s taking over, but in a way he felt stuck. So he let Sebastian take the rag and run it over the skin of his back, over his shoulders and neck, the warm water in conflict with the chill he had from the tender way he was being cared for. 

“You’re tense,” Sebastian whispered, the voice again making Ciel shiver. “Are you cold?”

“N-no…” Ciel whispered back. 

Sebastian’s hands moved the rag over Ciel’s shoulder and down his chest. Ciel was hyper focused on the way Sebastian’s hand moved about, mesmerized by the picture before him. So mesmerized in fact that he didn’t even fight when Sebastian’s hand dropped the rag in the water, and instead his fingers continued brushing along the skin of his chest. 

There it was. That contact again. A spark. Skin on skin. Ciel let out a raspy gasp as Sebastian trailed his fingers up his chest and caressed his neck, pulling Ciel’s head back so he could look him in the eye. 

They were only a breath apart.

Ciel didn’t know what was happening. His fatigue, the hot water, and the intoxicating feel of Sebastian’s fingers left him utterly drowsy. 

For a moment he thought Sebastian might kiss him. The way he was looking at him now… just maybe…

Ciel closed his eyes. 

  


The clock above the mantel struck 11. Ciel woke with a start, water splashing as one of his arms fell into the tub.

The water was cold.

He shivered and carefully sat up, stepping out of the bath and wrapping himself in a towel. When had he fallen asleep? And why hadn’t Sebastian come to wake him? 

He dried himself off and made his way to the bed where he threw himself carelessly down over the covers, not even bothering to climb under them. He was about to drift off again when he remembered. 

Fingers on his skin, red eyes, a hot lump in his throat. 

He shivered.

What an odd dream.


	5. The Butler, Concerned

After three days of having Sebastian around, Ciel still wasn’t used to being woken up everyday by another person. He’d spent the last five years setting his own pace, waking up far past breakfast - rarely eating at all until luncheon - leisurely getting dressed, setting his own schedule. But now, having his butler back, he didn’t get to decide his own morning routine anymore. It was clearly - and strictly - monitored for him.

This morning in particular, Ciel was having none of it.

“Good morning, Master,” Sebastian said almost chipperly. He seemed to be in an unusually cheerful mood this morning, which was  _ scary _ and only made Ciel more sour. Sebastian flung open the curtains to reveal an obnoxiously sunny day, the bright light causing Ciel to groan and roll over, stuffing his face in the pillow away from his butler and the light. 

“It’s beautiful out today,” Sebastian said, only hearing a stifled moan from Ciel in response. “Come now, it’s time for your morning tea. I’ve brought the paper for you to peruse.” Sebastian sat the tea at Ciel’s bedside table and went to hand him the paper, which Ciel promptly smacked out of Sebastian’s hand with a “fuck off” to boot. 

Sebastian sighed softly, and picked up the now wrinkled paper (he’d spent that morning ironing it and was not happy about the waste of time) and sat it at the foot of the bed. “I see we’re in an excellent mood this morning,” he replied snarkily to the outburst. “Are we spending all day in bed then?”

Ciel rolled over and glared at his butler fiercely. “If I so choose, yes,” he hissed. “ _ you’ll _ get to work on my preparations, however. Don’t you have better things to do than iron the stupid, garbage filled newspaper?” 

Sebastian wasn’t particularly fond of Ciel’s more … distasteful moods, but he still had to admit there was something terribly endearing about his  _ ferociousness _ . 

“What are you staring at?” Ciel snapped, and with a scoff added, “You’re utterly worthless today.” 

This comment was definitely uncalled for and Sebastian didn’t let it slide. In a flash, he reached out his arm and gripped Ciel’s face in his fingers, squishing his cheeks into his chin tightly. Ciel tried to wriggle free but he was admittedly no stronger than if he were still 14. Sebastian forced him to look him in the eye, but even still Ciel tried to look anywhere but. Sebastian pinched harder and harder until Ciel finally made eye contact with him, blushing madly for no reason he could name. Sebastian glared into Ciel’s eyes, clearing his throat before saying “what was that you said about my being worthless?” 

Ciel remained silent, not daring to reply.

Sebastian leaned in closer, still holding onto Ciel’s face, placing his lips just above his ear. Sebastian’s breath on his skin sent chills down Ciel’s spine when he spoke. “Perhaps you’re just not using my talents properly, my Lord.”

Ciel’s cheeks reddened instantly, heat flushing throughout his body, a warm intensity taking over.  _ What the hell does that even mean?  _ he asked himself.  _ I’m using his talents as a butler. To cater to my every whim. And my whim today is to not get out of bed.  _

“I… I don’t feel well,” Ciel squeaked out through clenched teeth, as his face was still in Sebastian’s hand. 

Sebastian let go of Ciel’s face then, stepping back and looking down at him. “Ah, a sick day then?”

Ciel shrugged. “I just want to rest a little longer. I probably won’t sleep all day, just until I get up more strength.”

Sebastian sighed again, and bowed. “As you wish, my Lord.” And he let Ciel be, silently exiting the room like a perfect servant.

Ciel didn’t end up getting out of bed that day, despite his best intentions. 

Sebastian came to check on Ciel a few times throughout the day, bringing him fresh tea and forcing him to eat half a sandwich in the afternoon. Ciel had just enough energy to pester him, naturally, and asked how the preparations were coming along.

“Decently, my Lord,” Sebastian confirmed. “The gazebo was restructured this morning, and Finny is currently working on the first coat of fresh paint.”

Ciel clicked his tongue in distaste. “It’s not done yet? Usually you can do this sort of thing in a mere couple of hours.”

Sebastian stopped cleaning up around the room to glance over at Ciel. “Well, yes, in the past that was so. However…” his words got cut off unexpectedly as if he lost his train of thought. Sebastian tried to form the words on his tongue but simply  _ couldn’t _ . Eventually, he stopped trying and settled for “I figured it would be good to give Finny something else to do. He expressed an interest in helping.” 

Ciel noticed nothing odd about Sebastian’s statement. “Fine,” he answered shortly, quickly losing energy with the conversation. “Just make sure he doesn’t mess it up and put us behind schedule.” Ciel coughed once to clear his voice, but that cough turned into another cough, which soon was an entire coughing fit that wracked his chest. Sebastian set down the clothes he had been folding and rushed over to the side of the bed. 

“Are you alright, my Lord?” he asked, concerned. 

Ciel waved him away weakly, trying to control his breathing. When he finally managed it, he said in a gravely voice, “My throat has been a fucking pain in the ass all day. Just seems-” he coughed again, “to be getting worse.”

Sebastian slipped off one of his gloves and felt Ciel’s forehead. “You  _ are _ a little warm. And here I thought you were faking it,” Sebastian smirked.

“I don’t have time to be sick,” Ciel argued. 

“Well, fortunately for you, you're not the one doing all the heavy lifting for the proposal preparations. Focus on getting your strength back so you can get down on one knee. That’s about all you have to do, after all.” 

Ciel glared at his butler’s retreating form as he headed for the door. “You’re awfully snarky today,” Ciel pouted, sinking deeper into the sea of pillows around him. “I might not be doing physical work but this is very emotionally taxing, I’ll have you know.”

Sebastian smiled, still facing away from his master. “Ah, and how might it be  _ taxing _ ? You should be anxious to propose. You love Lady Elizabeth don’t you? What on earth are you worried about?”

Ciel blinked once, then twice. Why  _ was _ he worried? “I...I don’t want to make a mistake,” he whispered, half to Sebastian but mostly to himself.

Sebastian’s shoulders tensed. “What was that, my Lord?”

Ciel rubbed at his eyes. God dammit, he was too tired for this right now. What was he even trying to say? “I just want things to go perfectly,” he clarified. “I just want it to be perfect for her.”

Sebastian lowered his eyes to the ground, turning back around to face Ciel. The young man had his head turned towards the window, his soft, pale cheek pressed against the perfectly white pillows behind his head.

“It will be, my Lord,” Sebastian assured him, feeling another pang in his chest. He placed a hand above where he felt it. Really, these ailments were starting to be bothersome. He bowed to Ciel and quietly left him to rest.

Ciel fell asleep shortly after Sebastian left him alone, and ever since then had been in and out of troublesome sleep throughout the night. He couldn’t tell waking from sleep, what was a dream and what wasn’t. He knew he  _ had _ been dreaming some, and they were vivid troubling ones at that. He dreamed it was his and Lizzie wedding day. He stood at the altar, waiting for her to walk down the aisle. All the invited guests watching had white masks covering their faces. Lizzie herself, when she appeared, looked like an angel bathed in light. When she met him at the front, two guests in the front row took off their masks and it was his parents. He couldn't stop staring at them as suddenly blood began to drip down their necks from invisible slashes. Concerned, he looked back at Lizzie, to see if she noticed, but she too stared at him with empty eyes, blood dripping down the front of her pure white gown.

He woke up screaming. 

Ciel sat up, unable to control his breathing. He frantically looked around for a glass of water, finding one resting on the bedside table. He picked it up but his hands were shaking too hard to keep his grip, water sloshing over the side until he simply let go, the glass dropping to the ground, but thankfully not shattering. 

“S-Sebastian!” he called but only silence met his ears. He waited a second, but every moment that passed his breathing became worse and his body wouldn’t stop shaking. He flung his legs over the side of the bed and fell to his knees when he tried to stand up. He called for Sebastian again, expecting him to appear immediately like he always had in the past, but he was still nowhere to be seen. Ciel suddenly had the horrible feeling that he was entirely alone; that everyone in the mansion had vanished in the night. The thought terrified him. He felt so small, as if he was that child again, lost without one soul who cared about him. He stood up frantically and burst out of his room, running down the dark hallways looking for Sebastian - or anyone - to confirm he wasn’t living some nightmare all over again.

The longer he went without finding anyone the more insistently tears began to blur his vision. “Sebastian!” he yelled once more, running downstairs to the servant’s quarters. His eyes finally couldn’t take it any longer and he let himself cry, tears staining his cheeks as he ran. Ciel rounded a corner and smacked straight into a tall figure, the two of them falling to the floor with a thud. Strong hands gripped his arms and Ciel looked up into the face of his butler, the man’s brow contorted with worry.

“Sebastian!” Ciel felt relieved to find him, but seeing his butler’s face suddenly made him cry more, and  _ that _ made him angry. Did he really think he was all alone? How childish and foolish he was acting, running around in the middle of the night, screaming because of a nightmare! Ciel shoved Sebastian in the chest, his fingers meeting bare skin as the folds of his robe flapped open. “Why didn’t you come when I called?” Ciel yelled at him through his tears. “You weren’t there! Y-You’re supposed to be there!” He started punching Sebastian in the chest weakly, starting to cough from exerting so much energy when he should have been resting. Sebastian griped Ciel’s fists in his large palms, stopping him easily, though Ciel tried to fight back.

“Why...weren’t you there?” Ciel started to calm down, more tears escaping his eyes unwillingly. He couldn’t believe that nightmare shook him up so much. He’d had worse, but he also admitted that it had been a very long time since he’d had one at all. 

Sebastian looked at him so tenderly, with so much concern, but Ciel couldn’t see it through the water that clouded his vision. “I…” he wanted to apologize, but he didn’t feel like that’s what Ciel wanted to hear right now. “You’re safe,” he said instead. “No one is going to hurt you.”

“But  _ I _ hurt people!” he screamed. He didn’t fight the tears anymore, but looked up at Sebastian, showing his face full of anguish. “I hurt everyone I love! My existence causes people pain!” What was he saying? He didn’t really believe any of this but it’s all he could think right now. His dream… “I’ll hurt Lizzie if I marry her, and one day… I’ll...one day I’ll even hurt you!”

Sebastian frowned. “You won’t hurt me,” he told Ciel. “And if you do, we’ll go down together. Isn’t that what we always knew would happen?”

Ciel hiccuped suddenly, his chest aching from crying and from running so hard. “I don’t know!” he wailed. “Everything is so different. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels normal. I thought things would go back to the way they were years ago but… you’re different.  _ I’m _ different. I don’t know...I don’t know what to do. What to say. I feel so… I don’t feel like myself.”

Sebastian pulled Ciel closer, feeling his forehead. “You’re burning up,” he mumbled to himself. “You need to go back to bed. You have a fever.”

Ciel suddenly felt weak and let his body collapse against Sebastian, his cheek resting on his chest. His surroundings seemed to blur a bit, and he didn’t know where he was anymore. He could only note that Sebastian was wearing a robe, which he thought was odd, and it only barely concealed the outline of his strong arms and chest, the fabric soft against his cheek. Ciel’s cheeks reddened.  _ From the fever _ , he thought to himself.

Sebastian felt his heart skip a beat as Ciel fell against him. 

“Young master?” Ciel didn’t respond. Sebastian cupped the younger man’s face in his hands, trying to get him to look up to no avail. So he stood, scooping Ciel up in his arms. He certainly wasn’t a light child anymore, Sebastian noted, as he struggled to carry him. “We’re getting you back in bed,” he said, more to himself, but also to Ciel if he was listening.

Suddenly Ciel was back in his bed with no recollection of how he got there. He opened his red eyes, glancing about the room until they landed on Sebastian, sitting at the edge of the bed.

“Drink this,” Sebastian said, holding out a cup of warm liquid. Ciel pushed it away and shook his head. “Please,” Sebastian begged, “a sip.” Ciel continued to shake his head, forcing Sebastian to get up and come stand over him, bringing the cup to Ciel’s lips. “Drink it,” he scolded, and Ciel obliged, but it was truly only a small sip.

Sebastian set down the mug on the table and sat again on the edge of the bed, closer to Ciel this time. He watched as his master closed his eyes, no doubt exhausted. He couldn’t help but reach out a hand and cup his cheek with a sigh.

Ciel’s eyes were closed when he felt the contact of skin on his cheek. He leaned into it, a contented sound escaping his lips. Who was this person who was so tender with him? He’d already forgotten if there was someone else in the room with him. Perhaps he was dreaming again already. The fingers continued to gently caress his skin, moving up into his hair. It was a wonderful sensation and he opened his eyes immediately when it stopped. Sebastian moved to stand up but Ciel grabbed his arm before he could go. “No! Please… please stay.” He pulled Sebastian back down, the butler leaning forward to place an arm on each side of Ciel’s head, holding himself up. Ciel moved his hands to cup Sebastian face, causing the other man to look back at him with a startled expression. “My Lord-”

“Say my name,” the man under him requested, his eyes heavy lidded as if he would fall back asleep at any moment.

Sebastian bit his tongue. “Young master, I-”

“Say it,” Ciel commanded, significantly more aggressive this time. 

Sebastian swallowed hard and took a short breath. “Ciel.”

Ciel smiled, pulling Sebastian’s face closer. Sebastian held his breath, not daring to move, their mouths an inch apart. “I like the way it sounds on your lips,” Ciel whispered, suddenly letting go, as he turned his head to cough, his head falling back on the pillow. 

Sebastian waited a few more minutes to see if Ciel would wake, but it seemed he had indeed fallen asleep again suddenly. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. How cruel this was. These fever induced emotions played cruel tricks on his mind, and he stood up angrily, walking away from the bed, eager to put distance between himself and that room.

  
  


Ciel woke the next morning feeling more exhausted than the day before. His rest was plagued by more dreams, less frightening, but still strange altogether.

He dreamed Sebastian had said his name. 

He dreamed he tasted how it sounds.


	6. The Butler, Given Permission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy oh BOY I am so so sorry it has taken me this long to update! Please don't give up on me. Had real bad writers block but we through it now. Thanks as always for reading, and here you go!

Ciel was fully recovered from his bout of sickness after three days. This only left him with 8 days before his proposal to Elizabeth, and the realization of this sudden passage of time caught up to him in a whirlwind of anxiety. He took this frustration out on Sebastian, naturally, by nagging him every moment he had the opportunity, unrelentingly asking every hour for an update on the preparations. 

Ciel was currently at his desk signing approved proposals for the Funtom New Season Catalog to be released in a month’s time. Sebastian entered with a fresh tray of tea which didn’t even make it to the table before Ciel waved it away with a flick of his wrist. “I haven’t time for that now. Tell me, where do things stand?” 

Sebastian rolled his eyes discreetly and answered “The gazebo is complete, the rose bushes have been planted and should bloom just in time for the event. The string quartet has been booked, and will also play for the gala inside after your proposal. The menu has been set by Baldroy, approved by myself of course, and the ingredients have been advance ordered.”

“I want to approve a copy of the menu as well,” Ciel interrupted. 

“Of course, my Lord. All invitations have been sent out and approximately sixty percent have responded favorably. We are still waiting on a few replies, however.”

Ciel put away his fountain pen and blew delicately on the paper he finished signing. “If you have to directly contact those who haven’t responded yet please do.” He stood, brushing off his pant legs and straightening his jacket. 

Sebastian noted Ciel looked particularly dashing today. Ciel caught him staring and gave a glare in response.

“I’m going into town to pick out the ring from the selection you had the jeweler prepare,” Ciel told Sebastian, adding, “Accompany me.”

This was not a request but a direct command and Sebastian had no choice but to bow and agree. “I’ll bring round the car.”

Ciel made a noise of assent and brushed passed the butler to exit the room. 

By the time Ciel had grabbed his overcoat, walking stick, and tophat, rounding the corner to descend the stairwell that led to the front door, Sebastian had brought round the car and waited at the front entrance, bowing as he opened the large door for his master. The young man waltzed outside and waited for Sebastian to catch up to him and open the passenger side door, Ciel carefully stepping inside to sit in the car, managing to knock his hat just slightly askew. He tsked in frustration, snapping at Sebastian to hurry up. When Sebastian was seated next to him in the driver’s seat, he started the car and the two were off in a whirlwind.

The drive into London was mostly silent. Ciel didn’t feel it appropriate to make conversation with a servant, even if it _ was _ only Sebastian, but then again, the silence was getting rather awkward. Ciel thought harder for a moment, his brow furrowed in concern. Sebastian cleared his throat and the sound startled Ciel as he jumped, hitting his head against the roof of the car.

Sebastian chuckled, and Ciel felt shivers from the sound. Since when did Sebastian _ laugh _?

“You’ve gotten much taller in the last several years,” the butler noted.

Ciel angrily replied, “Well of course! I’d be concerned if I didn’t grow for six years. _ Tsk _, you’re such a pain, saying such obvious things.” Ciel pouted, sinking further into his seat. “I hate cars. They’re such a bothersome invention. The carriage has much more room.”

“But it is much slower. It took nearly forty-five minutes to get into town before, now it takes only twenty.”

Ciel rolled his eyes. “Obviously that’s why we’re taking the car! I said I hated it, not that it wasn’t useful.”

“You’re in a very disagreeable mood today, sir.”

“And I’ll remind you it’s not your place to comment on such things. You are just a servant. Stop acting like we’re-” Ciel stopped himself.

Silence.

“Like we’re what, my Lord?” Sebastian pressed, staring straight ahead, ignoring the hammering inside his chest.

“Nothing,” Ciel mumbled under his breath. “Nevermind.” His own heart was hammering. What on earth was he just about to say? He blamed it on his troublesome dreams the past few nights. 

They remained silent then, Sebastian commenting only once on the good weather and Ciel grunting in agreement. They reached town in just the amount of time Sebastian predicted and headed straight for the jewelers. The butler helped his master out of the car, fixing Ciel’s hat after he stood, making sure it was just so before they walked into the shop together.

“Th-thank you,” Ciel stammered, pulling up the collar of his overcoat so as to hide the redness of his cheeks. He blamed _ that _ on the brisk afternoon air.

The bell to the shop rang as they entered, the clerk behind the counter looking up from his work with a smile. “Welcome!”

Ciel glanced around, appraising his surroundings. The shop itself was unimpressive, but he had long known they held the best gems in the city. “I’m Ciel Phantomhive,” he introduced himself. “I’m here to-”

The clerk cut him off with a startled gasp. “Oh my! Yes, of course, I’m so sorry I didn’t know, I ah, I have the order right here.” He bent down, putting in the combination of a locked safe and with a click, opened it to reveal a tray with seven different rings lined up. He carefully pulled it out and set it on the counter between him and the two other men. “These are of the highest quality stone. We have three diamond options, two ruby, one emerald, and one sapphire. All the non-diamond gems have smaller diamonds accenting them, of course. Please, feel free to pick any of them up and get a good look. I have a note here that says this is for a very special occasion.” He smiled with a wink, “We don't want you making a hasty decision. Take all the time you need.” The clerk gave a small bow and stepped a few feet away to give Ciel and Sebastian some privacy as they looked over the rings.

Ciel picked up the first diamond ring. It was a simple band, but the gem itself was larger than the width of his own finger. It was a beautiful teardrop shape, with smaller diamonds surrounding the larger stone.

“They are all quite remarkable,” Sebastian said, picking up the Sapphire ring. “Wouldn’t you want to keep this color in the family?” he suggested, passing it off to Ciel.

Ciel looked at it carefully. It was one of the smaller stones, a perfectly round shape, with a golden band and diamond accents. “It is pretty, but I think Elizabeth would want something that would go with everything she wears.” He retrieved another of the full diamond rings. “I’m terribly afraid she’ll hate whatever I choose.”

“Impossible,” Sebastian argued. “She’ll adore it because it comes from you.”

Ciel frowned, glancing over at his butler with a confused expression. “What a very sentimental thing to say. How unlike you.”

“Is it? Unlike me, I mean,” Sebastian countered.

Ciel set the ring down. “Yes, I don’t think I've ever heard you say something like that before. It sounds odd coming from your mouth. Stop being so soft or I might get rid of you.”

“As you wish.” Sebastian set the sapphire ring down and took up the emerald. “I never hear you say anything like that, my Lord, if I may be so bold.” 

“What’s that?” Ciel responded distractedly.

“Sentimental, my Lord.”

“I’m not sentimental,” Ciel sighed. “That’s why I don’t say sentimental things.”

“Nothing makes you feel sentimental?”

“No...not that I can recall. Most of my past I wish to forget. Maybe one day when I have children of my own I’ll be sentimental about when they were young, that sort of thing.”

“That’s to be expected, I suppose.” Sebastian frowned. “You... you think you’ll have children?”

“Of course I will,” Ciel chided. “I have to pass down the estate and our family name. Really,” he set down the last ring. “Why are you being so… so difficult today. Stop talking, you’re asking too many questions and saying such ridiculous things. It’s getting on my nerves. You there!” he snapped at the clerk. “I’ve made my choice.”

Sebastian followed his orders and stopped asking questions, and stopped talking altogether as Ciel chose the ring, paid, and had it boxed up for safe keeping.

“Here you are, sir,” the clerk handed him the ring box, tied up with a silver ribbon. “Best of luck with the proposal. She’s a very lucky girl.”

Ciel thanked him and left quickly, but did not walk towards the car as Sebastian expected, and instead headed off down the street, his black heels clipping on the sidewalk. The butler followed behind quietly and after several blocks, he couldn’t help but ask, “where to, my Lord?”

Ciel didn’t respond, just kept his back turned to his companion. 

Sebastian had a feeling he wasn’t going to get any sort of advance answer so he resigned himself to waiting. That was something new he wasn’t used to. Time. How it moved, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, and how it made you aware of anything and everything around you.

Ciel finally stopped outside of a teahouse, and a very plain looking one at that, Sebastian noticed. Not one Ciel would normally frequent. He desperately wanted to ask _ why here? _ but he held his tongue. Fortunately, it seemed Ciel could read his thoughts from body language alone and finally spoke, “It’s unassuming isn’t it? Sometimes I don’t want to be surrounded by Dukes and Duchesses and the stuffy airs of the aristocracy.” He stepped through the threshold, looking back at Sebastian saying “come with me.” 

Sebastian was surprised but didn’t object, following Ciel’s lead as they were led to a small table by the window. The room was very tight, but not too busy at this hour, and Sebastian couldn’t help but finger the tacky linen tablecloth and wonder at the lack of a full set of cutlery.

Ciel let out a small smile. “I know, nothing impressive. Please don’t look too closely or you’ll spoil the experience.”

Sebastian looked up and felt a small hammer hit him in the chest at Ciel’s soft smile. “This is...I shouldn’t...we…” He was utterly lost for words at that smile, but thankfully Ciel didn’t seem to notice. He meant to say he shouldn’t be here, having afternoon tea in the city with his master. It wasn’t _ appropriate _. But he couldn’t seem to get the words out. 

“I-” Ciel looked down at the napkin in his lap. “I want to apologize for my behavior lately. I think I’m taking my stress out on you and it isn’t… it is not how a master should treat his employees, or how a Phantomhive would behave towards anyone.”

“You’re...apologizing?” Sebastian was utterly blown away.

“Don’t make me regret it!” Ciel barked. “And I’m not going to repeat myself, so don’t look at me with those puppy dog eyes.”

“You know I hate dogs,” Sebastian smirked, wiping the look off his face. “I would never.”

Ciel sighed. “I just...you’re right. I _ do _ get sentimental about things. Or perhaps it’s not sentimentality, but nostalgia or reminiscing. I want to create a new life with Elizabeth, but to do so I have to constantly look back on what I’ve lost, what I’ve done, to see what I want to change for my future. And all that looking back… I miss them _ so _ much.” Ciel had to stop talking then, or else his eyes would betray him. 

Sebastian wished he could take the heartbreak that crossed Ciel’s face and remove it forever, but he didn’t have that power. “You’re strong,” was all he managed to say, “You have the power to create the future you want. And I will be here to help and support you in anyway you so choose.”

Ciel felt his chest tighten. Why did hearing those words _ wreck _ him so? He clenched his hands into fists under the table. “Thank you,” he pushed the words out through gritted teeth.

Their tea was delivered then, along with a plate of scones, raspberry jam and clotted cream, and a small serving of tea sandwiches. Ciel began to eat in silence, noticing after a few minutes that Sebastian was not partaking. “Why don’t you eat?” Ciel asked through a mouthful.

_ How childlike _, Sebastian noted in frustration. “I don’t want to impose.”

“Impose?” Ciel scoffed. “I brought you here as my guest. Please, eat. Or is it because you don’t eat at all? I don’t know the rules demons live by, after all. ”

Sebastian reached for a sandwich. “I can eat,” he stated plainly, noting that the food was remarkably good, hence why Ciel must have chosen to eat here despite its unseemly appearance. “I’m your guest?” Sebastian wondered aloud. _ That was an odd way to put it. _

“Yes, yes,” Ciel noted through another mouthful, swallowing as he reached for another scone, “As my friend.”

They both froze.

Ciel internally screamed at himself for being so careless. _ Did I really just say that?! _

“Your...friend…” Sebastian looked as if he had just narrowly escaped being hit by a train. 

Ciel didn’t know how to play this off. He had really shot himself in the foot this time. His face grew redder by the moment, and no amount of tea or clotted cream could hide his blush. “I m-mean… we’ve been through a lot together, you and I, I suppose, it would be silly now to say you’re just my butler.”

“I’m...not just your butler?”

“I mean, you _ are _ still my butler.”

“Yes, but I’m also your friend?”

Ciel rolled his eyes, “God! It’s like you’ve never heard of friends before.”

“You don’t have friends,” Sebastian unknowingly taunted, saying it as if he were simply stating a fact.

Ciel’s face grew redder. “You don’t have to say it like _ that _!” He slumped down in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as if he were still 14 years old. He really hadn’t changed a day, Sebastian thought. “I won’t repeat myself. You heard me. Now don’t get cocky and slack on your work just because I said we’re friends.”

Sebastian smiled, although Ciel was too busy pouting to notice.

“Yes, my Lord.”

Ciel pressed his lips tighter together, as if contemplating an enormous decision. Sebastian thought he looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn’t press the matter, instead turning his attention back to his cup of tea.

“Ciel.”

Sebastian looked up. “What’s that, my Lord?”

The sound was barely audible as the young man across from him said, “You can call me Ciel.”

Sebastian’s eyes widened. His body rushed with the sensation he felt the other night when Ciel had requested the same thing. Although the Ciel before him was nothing like the one who pulled his face in close, his breath hot on his skin as he asked Sebastian to call him by his name. “Are...are you certain, my Lord?” Sebastian didn’t want to make the wrong move. Ciel was so flighty and subject to constantly changing his mind. This could end badly if he wasn’t positive he wanted Sebastian to make this move.

“Yes,” Ciel confirmed. “Please, it’s what...it’s what friends do.” 

Sebastian flinched at the word "please." Ciel _ never _ said please. “If it’s what you want then, _ Ciel _.”

Ciel’s heart pounded in his chest, the sound of it in his ears drowning out the rest of the world. His name sounded just like it did in his dream the other night - the way Sebastian said his name sounded like music, felt like warmth, and tasted like honey on his tongue. He refused to look at Sebastian in the eye or he’d utterly lose it. “Now, hurry and finish your tea, it’s getting late and no doubt Baldroy needs your help with dinner or else we’ll be having charred meat again.”

“Yes, Ciel.”

Ciel looked at him then, and was met with a smirk that he could hear in Sebastian’s voice before he even saw it. His body betrayed him before he could say anything else, heat pooling in his groin, so he welcomed the silence instead, acknowledging that he’d choke on his own words if he tried to get anything out.

Sebastian felt utterly alive with this new power he held over Ciel. No doubt things were going to get very interesting from here on out.

What a fun little game they had now begun.


	7. The Butler, Protective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all thanks for reading this newest update! I really appreciate it. If you could leave a comment I’d super appreciate it! I love to hear everyone’s thoughts and it really encourages me to keep writing :) thanks everyone <3

Ciel and Sebastian returned home just before dinner, which Baldroy had already started (miraculously) and which was not burnt (more miraculously) and Mey Rin had set the table without breaking anything (even more miraculously!) 

“Has your returned presence really made that much of an impact on them?” Ciel smirked at his companion. “I’m quite astonished, though I admit I have no intention of getting used to it.”

Sebastian shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine. I’m not sure how they managed it. It’s quite suspicious.”

Just at that moment Finnian took the opportunity to barge in through the side door - which led to the garden shed - traipsing up excitedly to Sebastian, his muddy boots leaving dark stains across the marble entry floors. “Sebastian!” he called cheerfully, quickly bowing to Ciel after he noticed his presence as well. “Look! The first red rose bud has bloomed!” He held in his hand a beautiful rose indeed, cut short from its life by Finnian’s excitement. 

“Ah… yes,” Sebastian noted, sadly. “It would have been quite a remarkable thing indeed, had you not chopped it off to bring it here and show me.” Sebastian’s eyebrow twitched from frustration.

Finny, quickly realizing the grave mistake he’d made, turned a shade of red that rivaled the rose in his hand. “Oh-oh...OH! I’m so sorry, Sebastian! My Lord,” he fell to his knees dramatically in front of Ciel. “Forgive this careless mistake, I’ll...I’ll put it in a vase of water immediately!” 

“Yes,” Sebastian agreed, “and when you’re finished you’ll come back and clean the mess you so carelessly dragged in, all over the clean floors, from your boots.” 

Finnian surely couldn’t be more embarrassed than he was at this moment, and the poor young man looked near tears. “Yes, yes right away sir!” he cried, quickly rising and heading towards the kitchen. 

Sebastian messaged his temple. “My, my, I think we spoke too soon. I’m so terribly sorry you had to see that…” Sebastian stopped short, confused by the strange look on Ciel’s face. “What’s wrong, my Lord?”

Ciel couldn’t contain it anymore and burst out laughing. “The look on your face when Finnian barged in was priceless! I thought you’d flog him right in front of me. Yes, you’re right. We spoke too soon. How careless of us to think all three of them would be managing perfectly well all at the same time.”

Ciel’s cheeks were red from laughing, and his eyes glowed in a way Sebastian had never seen before. So this was happiness, perhaps. Or humor. He wasn’t very familiar with either. Either way, he liked how it looked on Ciel.

“My apologies. I’ll scold him properly later, My Lord.” Sebastian said. 

Ciel waved his hand as if batting at a fly. “Don’t bother. I think his embarrassment of having done it all in front of me will suffice. I’ll go change for dinner,” Ciel added as he started to walk away but stopped turning back to add, “oh and Sebastian?”

The butler stood at attention.

“It’s Ciel, remember? Just don’t say it in front of the other servants, or company.”

“Yes, My L-... yes, Ciel.”

Ciel smiled, heading back towards the stairs. “I’ll see you at dinner.”

  
  


Sebastian had a terribly difficult time standing at attention during dinner, and unbeknownst to him, Ciel was having an equally difficult time not asking Sebastian to stand down, but rather, Ciel wanted terribly to ask him to dine with him. 

_ But of course that would be terribly inappropriate, _ Ciel thought to himself. _ And besides, what good would that do either of us? We would have nothing to talk about. _

Ciel cleared his throat, taking a sip of wine. _ This is terribly awkward now, _ he scolded himself internally. _ Why on earth did I insist on him calling me by my name? What was I hoping to accomplish. Ugh, I feel like an idiot. Is it too late to recant? _

Sebastian was always paying attention to Ciel, but right now he was carefully studying him, and saw the many thoughts that crossed his mind, crinkling his forehead in contemplation, and with a smile Sebastian couldn’t help but say aloud, “You seem deep in thought. Is something the matter, _ Ciel _?”

Ciel nearly spewed the wine that was in his mouth. _ Dammit it all to hell! Sebastian! _Ciel’s face matched his red wine as he replied, “Of course I’m deep in thought. I’m not capable of thinking of nothing, unlike you.”

Sebastian sighed. “Yes, it is a cultivated skill to possess little to no thought. It’s actually quite peaceful. You should try it sometime.”

Ciel frowned. _ He certainly has gotten cocky. _

_ Am I undoing you yet, Young Master? _ Sebastian smiled slyly. 

Ciel finished eating in silence, shoving away his plate with a groan. “Ugh, my feet ache. Too much walking around today. I think I’ll retire for the evening.”

Sebastian bowed. “As you wish.”

Ciel excused himself from the table and made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. It was dark inside and felt terribly cold for some reason. He looked towards the hearth and the fire was lit, albeit it was rather dim. He walked over to it and grabbed a log from the holder along the wall, throwing it into the dying flames. Ciel reached for the fire poker and stoked it a bit, watching dazedly as the flames began to burn brighter, better illuminating the room. Reaching out his hands to warm himself, he let out a shaky breath. Why was it so damn cold? He looked towards the window, which led to a small terrace, and sure enough the door was cracked.

Angrily, he walked over and slammed it shut. _ Really, did Sebastian leave it open when he came to start the fire? That’s so unlike him! _Ciel stared out the window looking around but didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. Huh, then why did he have such a strange feeling still? He brushed it off and slipped behind the dressing screen to change into his night robe. Perhaps he’d ring for Sebastian. A bath sounded rather nice now, after being so cold. Slipping into hot water would surely solve this chill in his bones. As he tied the sash on his robe, he walked to his bedside and pulled the string that rang the bell downstairs, signaling for Sebastian.

Ciel yawned, and heard something fall across the room.

Like a cat on high alert, Ciel whipped his head towards the sound. Suddenly, the chill in the room didn’t feel like it was coming from an open window anymore, but rather, the open window signal perhaps the chill was from something far worse. Ciel cursed himself for setting down the fire poker. That would have made a good weapon. He headed confidently towards the sound by the fireplace, ready to grab the poker again if he managed to get close enough.

Not fast enough.

An arm circled around Ciel’s body, pinning his arms to his side as the cool feeling of steel met his temple.

“Don’t move, don’t scream, or I’ll shoot,” a deep voice spoke quietly in his ear.

Ciel did neither.

“Where’s the ring? I saw you leave Montclair’s this afternoon.”

“You followed me all the way here?” Ciel scoffed. “For one ring?”

“Shut up!” the stranger hissed. “You’re a Phantomhive. I know that ring is probably worth half this estate.”

Ciel didn’t comment on the man’s poor math. Couldn’t fault him for being an ignorant idiot. “Why on earth do you think I’d tell you where it is? It could be locked in a safe downtown for all you know.”

“No, because I saw you and that tall man of yours walk to the teahouse on Inverness, then walk back to Montclair’s, get in your car, and drive all the way here.”

Ciel swallowed. The grip the man had on his body was getting tighter - shit, he was _ strong _ \- and the gun was pressing harder against the side of his head. He remained silent.

The man pulled the trigger on the gun.

“That first was a blank,” Ciel could hear the smile in his voice, “the second you may not be so lucky.”

Ciel laughed. “Go ahead. It’s like you assume I’m afraid of dying.” He felt the gun pull away from his temple, only to come crashing back down on it with a thud. It made his ears ring and he felt blood slide its way down his cheek. _ Dammit _! He wasn’t expecting that. It hurt a lot more than he remembered.

His vision started to blur as he sunk to his knees on the floor. The gun’s barrel now rested directly in the center of his forehead.

“Where. Is. The. Ring.”

This man was persistent.

“In the drawer of the nightstand, next to the bed.” 

The attacker stupidly left Ciel to make his way to said nightstand, only to open the drawer and find nothing but a used handkerchief and a bottle of cologne.

“You lil fucker!” he swung around to find Ciel running across the room towards the bedroom door. He didn’t quite get it open however when he heard the gun go off and a searing pain spread through his arm.

  
  


Sebastian watched as Ciel made his way out of the dining room after dinner, sighing exhaustedly once he left. This little game was fun but it certainly was a bit of a pain to put on such airs. Sebastian felt pressured to be witty and quick around Ciel, and he wondered dazedly if he’d ever get the opportunity to just _ be, _ simply exist _ , _ around the young man without putting on a face. 

He helped Mey Rin clear away the dishes, and instructed Baldo as to the next morning’s breakfast. As he was washing the dishes he noticed the rose Finny had cut, which had been placed in a bud vase and was sitting on the kitchen window sill. Perhaps…

Sebastian stopped his chores and picked up the rose. This would do no good sitting in a dimly lit kitchen where no one would appreciate it. He decided then...would it be too bold of him to deliver it to Ciel’s room?

He shook his head. _ How ridiculous. Showing up past bedtime with a rose. _ He set it back down. 

He stared at it.

He picked it up again.

It was a butler’s duty to beautify the house. On that pretense, there was no reason not to take it to Ciel’s room. Why would he put it in another room in the house where no one could enjoy its beauty. Beauty was meant to be admired. 

Ciel’s face, touched with that smile earlier, crossed Sebastian’s mind.

_ Beauty indeed _.

He felt his cheeks redden. He set the rose back down.

_ Perhaps in the morning. _

Suddenly, one of the room bells rang along the wall, signaling the need of assistance. Sebastian glanced up and saw it was coming from Ciel’s bedroom. 

He glanced at the rose again.

Well, if he _ was _ already going up there...

He grabbed it and hurriedly exited the room.

He climbed the stairs quickly, idly caressing the red flower’s soft petals. His footsteps slowed however, as he heard muffled voices echoing down the corridor. 

He knew instantly that something was wrong.

Sebastian tiptoed towards the door of Ciel’s room, pressing his ear to the wood, listening to the angry conversation on the other side. Only moments after that, he heard a stranger's voice yell “you lil fucker!” and a gunshot sent a bullet flying straight through the door, and straight past his elbow.

Sebastian threw open the door and flung himself at the stranger instantly, the two of them crashing to the floor. Ciel rolled over, his arm unable to move from the pain, as he saw his butler fly past him. Sebastian sent a fist directly into the man’s nose, the loud _ crack! _ echoing throughout the room. He punched him again, and again, until Ciel yelled for him to stop.

“Sebastian, that’s enough! He’s unconscious!”

Blood stained his white gloves and Sebastain didn’t even notice that the man had stopped moving until Ciel’s voice brought him out of his frenzy. Breathing heavily, he was overcome with an intense desire to protect. He slid off the man, nudging his body with his foot as he stood up. The stranger was indeed out cold. Sebastian grabbed the gun and slipped it into the waistband of his pants. Suddenly, he remembered Ciel and ran to him, bending down to help him sit up. “Your arm!”

“It only grazed me,” Ciel winced as Sebastian slipped an arm under his back. “Don’t worry about me, just call for the authorities and get this criminal out of my house.”

Sebastian helped Ciel to a chair by the fire before rushing downstairs to call for the police, who arrive in nearly ten minutes. They rushed inside and hauled the man away, apologies profusely to Ciel, who had to reassure them that nothing was anyone’s fault, except perhaps his own for being too wealthy for his own good.

After they left, he found he couldn’t quite rest anymore, and stood out on the veranda, watching as the police drove away with the man in their custody. He heard the door open behind him and he jumped, calming as he realized it was only Sebastian, of course.

“Your arm needs tending, and it’s cold out,” the butler said. “Come inside.”

Ciel felt unable to pry his eyes from the night sky. “It’s nothing.”

“It’ll get infected.”

“Leave me be.” _ The pain, _ he wanted to tell him. _ It feels good. It reminds me of you. Of how we used to be. _

“No,” Sebastian replied stubbornly.

Ciel sighed, but turned around and obliged. The two walked back into the bedroom, Sebastian double checking as he locked the veranda door. “He must have climbed up here. The audacity.”

“It’s to be expected,” Ciel said as he sat himself down on the sofa by the fire, leaning back tiredly, his head hung over the armrest. 

Sebastian came over with bandages, a bowl of water, and alcohol. “Are you alright? It must have shaken you up a bit. Is the ring safe?”

“Of course. I’d never tell him where it is. Some common thief, really. It’s amazing what people attempt to do these days.”

Slender fingers removed the blood stained white gloves as Sebastian rolled up his sleeves to tend to Ciel. “You’ll need to remove your robe, or at least take your arm out of this sleeve, so I can wrap the wound.”

“Oh, r-right.” Ciel sat up enough to let the dressing gown slide down his shoulders. He didn’t even need to untie it - it was loose enough from his short sprint - that he easily let it fall to his waist, his bare chest hit suddenly by the brisk air. He was pale in the firelight and Sebastian had to do everything in his power not to stare.

Ciel felt terribly self conscious suddenly, but he couldn’t pinpoint why.

Well...perhaps he knew why, but he certainly wasn’t going to admit it to himself.

“It’s a good thing you came when you did,” Ciel spoke quietly as Sebastian washed his arm with a warm rag.

“You rang for me,” he responded.

Ciel felt dizzy. “Oh? I did? I don’t recall.” 

“Mhm.” Sebastian set down the rag and grabbed the bottle of alcohol. He tipped it upside down on the cloth, soaking it well. “This will sting.” He pressed it where the bullet grazed Ciel’s perfect arm.

“AH! Shit!” Ciel winced in pain.

“Don’t be a baby,” Sebastian teased.

“I’m not! Of course it fucking hurts, you idiot!” Ciel’s cheeks reddened at Sebastian’s comment, from embarrassment or something else, he wasn’t sure. Sebastian then proceeded to wrap the arm in a bandage, tying it off nice and pining it with a small safety pin. 

“There, should be good in just a day or so.”

“Thank you,” Ciel bent his arm experimentally. 

“Should be just fine in time for Elizabeth’s arrival,” Sebastian added, carelessly.

A sharp pain pierced Ciel’s chest. “Ah...yes. Should be.” 

Sebastian cleared up his mess and dismissed himself from the room, noticing the rose he had set down in his hurry to help Ciel. It was resting on a pedestal out in the corridor. Sebastian set down the supplies and exchanged them for the vase, musing at what he was planning to do originally when he brought the rose to Ciel’s room. He turned back and knocked before entering, finding Ciel had not moved from his place on the sofa.

He was about to say something when he noticed the look on his master’s face. “Is something wrong?” Sebastian asked, coming round to where he could see Ciel again. 

The young man was crying. 

Sebastian set the rose on the table and knelt down on the ground in front of Ciel. 

“Why is it always like this?” Ciel whispered, wiping angrily at another tear that escaped its way down his cheek.

“Like what, my Lord?”

“You, always rescueing me.”

Sebastian was speechless. Was Ciel _ angry _ that he’d helped him? “I-”

“How am I supposed to take care of another person when I can’t even take care of myself?”

“What happened tonight was not your fault.”

“But what if what happened tonight happens one day to Lizzie? Will I be able to help her as you’ve helped me? What if I’m too late?” Ciel was frantic now, and he clutched Sebastian’s arm, his fingers half brushing his bare skin that was exposed from his rolled up sleeves. Sebastian’s heart leapt to his throat.

“It won’t happen.”

“How do you know?” Ciel yelled. 

“I... I don’t know. I can only hope that it never will.”

Weakly, Ciel dropped his grip on Sebastian’s arm. “You’ve always saved me from the beginning. Every time I’ve been in trouble, without fail.”

“Yes, but the majority, if not all of that, was due to our contract. You must know this.”

“Yes, but even now, without the contract, you still managed to save me. I…” Ciel looked up and convinced himself to make eye contact with Sebastian. He had stopped crying but his eyes were red from the effort. “I can’t imagine what I’ll do without you.”

Sebastian smiled softly, “You act as if I’m going somewhere.” He bit his lip and scolded himself in advance for the rash decision he was about to make. He pressed a cool hand to Ciel’s cheek. “I’m right here, _ Ciel _.”

Stunned from the tenderness, Ciel’s lips parted in surprise at the touch and the sound of his name. This was not a servant. Not a butler, nor a friend. This man was something more. Sebastian was somewhere in a realm Ciel was unfamiliar with. It was terrifying and tantalizing at the same time.

“Sebastian.” Ciel gripped his arm again, pulling him closer. 

Sebastian let his hand trail from Ciel’s cheek, down his neck, to rest above his heart on his bare chest. “It’s beating,” he said.

Ciel’s breath came out ragged as Sebastian’s fingers played their way across his skin. “Yes, as hearts do.”

“It’s beating rather fast.”

“Y-yes…” Ciel bit his lip. _ Cause you’re driving me crazy right now, _ he screamed inside. 

Sebastian lifted his head to meet Ciel’s gaze and found they were much closer to each other now than they had been only moments ago. Ciel still couldn’t breathe as he stared back at Sebastian, unable to pull his eyes away. 

“I think I’m dreaming,” Ciel whispered. This was too similar to the dream he’d had the night he’d fallen asleep in the tub, and the night he’d woken up in a panic looking for Sebastian. He wanted to make sure what was happening was really, truly happening.

“You’re awake, Ciel.”

Ciel’s hand moved with a mind of it’s own as his own fingers found their way to Sebastian’s cheek. It was soft, he noted, and he realized suddenly he’d never touched Sebastian anywhere but his arm before. It startled the other man, and Ciel nearly pulled back before Sebastian grabbed his hand with his own, bringing it to his lips.

Ciel gasped at the contact.

His lips were soft too.

“S-Sebastian.”

“Ciel.”

His lips were so close. Too close. Ciel’s eyelids felt heavy.

_ I want to kiss him. _

Ciel scolded himself. _ No, you can’t do it. Resist it. Resist it like you’ve done the past six years. It’s never going to happen _. 

“What’s the rose for?” he asked instead.

Pulled from the spell, Sebastian gently let go of Ciel’s hand. He’d nearly forgotten about the rose again. “It’s the one Finnian cut. It wasn’t serving any purpose in the kitchen so I thought I’d bring it here for you to admire.”

“It’s lovely,” Ciel commented. It really was, too. The perfect rose. “Will you place it at my bedside?” 

Sebastian stood from the floor and moved the rose to Ciel’s desired position, then went back to help Ciel stand. “You should rest now.”

Ciel waved him away, pulling his robe back up around his shoulders. “I’m not tired. I think I’ll stay up for a bit. I can put myself to bed.”

Sebastian tried not to show his disappointment. How had they gone from nearly being in each others arms to his being dismissed?

_ (Alright, perhaps being in each other’s arms was a bit of a dramatic way to put it.) _

“If you wish, my Lord.”

Ciel tried to hide his dismay. Were they already back to formal terms already. Perhaps he had been dreaming after all. “Yes, thank you. Thank you, for everything tonight. I don’t know how to show you my gratitude.”

Sebastian stepped closer to Ciel, leaning down so as to press his lips close against Ciel’s ear. “I’m sure you’ll think of a way,” he whispered. Then he bowed and took his leave.

Ciel slumped down on the sofa once he was gone, exhaling the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

What the hell had almost happened? _ Did _ something almost happen? What was all of that? He wanted to slap himself. How could he be so foolish, acting so…

Ciel flipped over and buried his face in the pillow, screaming at the remaining sense he had in his brain.

_ I am _ not _ in love with that man! _

And starting tomorrow, he’d do everything in his power to prove it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol is it just me or do I use the word “terribly” a lot lmao


	8. The Butler, Seductive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I re-titled the chapter headings. I wanted to give a nod to what the manga does for each of its chapters. :)

Ciel spent the next two days in the worst mood he’d been in since Sebastian’s arrival. The butler chalked it up to the break in, that perhaps Ciel was just shook up from the experience, and as expected took it out on the servants. But something told him that wasn’t quite it, or wasn’t the entirety of it. 

Ciel waltzed into the dining hall where Mey Rin and Sebastian were setting the dining table for the first dinner when company would arrive. This was a much larger dining hall than the one in which Ciel took meals regularly; the table itself could seat up to twenty guests. Ciel’s relatives, including Lady Elizabeth and Aunt Francis, as well as some of Lizzie’s closest friends were slated to arrive tomorrow evening for a special pre-proposal dinner (of course, Lady Elizabeth did not know it as such.) Ciel started to feel the pressure of the upcoming event and decided to take a break from writing his speech to check in on the servants’ work.

“What’s this?” he snapped, picking up one of the utensils off the table, a couple places down from where Sebastian was setting another spot. 

“What, My Lord?”

“This fork has clearly not been polished properly.” Ciel moved on to the next spot, one closer to the butler. “And this spoon as well!” He strode over to the place Sebastian was currently at and grabbed the knife directly from his hand. “This is astonishingly unacceptable. These need to be spotless. Did you even bleach the table cloth before laying it down?”

Mey Rin squeaked from the other end of the table. “Yes, Master! I made certain it was spotless myself, I sure did!”

Ciel narrowed his eyes at her. “Did I give you leave to speak?”

Sebastian started, “Now, that’s a bit harsh, don’t you think, Ci-” but then bit his tongue at the piercing glare Ciel gave him.

Ciel stared Sebastian down, daring him to finish his sentence. When Sebastian showed no intention of speaking, Ciel huffed, saying, “Don’t forget your place either.” 

Sebastian felt hot, like he’d been slapped. What happened to the Ciel from the other night? The one who said he didn’t know what he’d do without him? 

This certainly wasn’t the same man now as he had been then.

“You’re certainly erratic today,” Sebastian grumbled under his breath. 

Ciel swung around and pointed the knife directly at Sebastian’s throat. “ _ Don’t _ test me today. I’m not in the mood.”

“Clearly.”

Ciel’s grip on the utensil tightened as he locked eyes with the taller man, both of them daring the other to make the first move. When neither did, Ciel threw the knife down on the table with a clatter, destroying the setting Sebastian had previously been working on. “You’re so incompetent! Why isn’t this done yet? You’ve never had a problem making things flawless before. Hurry up or I’ll punish you both!” Ciel flipped his jacket out of the way dramatically as he swung around, huffing and mumbling to himself as he exited the room. 

Mey Rin made a startled sound as he left, and Sebastian walked over to place a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Please don’t take the Young Master’s words seriously. I promise he won’t lay a hand on you. Keep working on this, I’m going to work on the bedrooms upstairs.”

“Y-Yes, Sebastian!” Mey Rin bowed and rubbed even more furiously on the silverware, making sure it was so shiny you could see your reflection in it. 

  
  


Sebastian managed to get four rooms in order by the end of the afternoon. He rubbed his brow with his sleeve, sighing as he acknowledged that he’d have to finish the other four after dinner. He certainly wasn’t as fast as he used to be, or rather… the clock didn’t stop for him anymore. That little fact made being a butler entirely more work than he’d ever realized before. It definitely wasn’t for the faint of heart. 

He made his way to Ciel’s office, knocking gently on the door before entering. The sight before him made him catch his breath and let out a soft laugh.

The young man was face down on the desk, his head resting on his crossed arms. He breathed softly, gentle snores punctuating the silence every few seconds. His fingers were stained with ink from the pen he still gripped in his hand. Sebastian gently pried it away and set it back in the holder, noticing all the paper that sat about; some crumpled angrily, some merely set aside, many on the floor, a few on the desk.

There certainly was an inner turmoil present here. Sebastian picked up a half-crinkled page that rested near Ciel’s elbow. 

<strike> Lizzie </strike>

<strike> My Dearest Cousin </strike>

Elizabeth,

<strike> You are beautiful. </strike>

_ Too obvious. _

When I’m around you I am stunned by your flawless grace and strong character.  <strike> You make my heart flutter . </strike>

_ Not true.  _

Sebastian sighed at all the crossed through lines and Ciel’s snarky little comments to himself. He certainly didn’t seem to be getting very far with this proposal letter. And he still had a speech to write, or maybe he had finished that already. Sebastian didn’t see it sitting around any where. He really shouldn’t pry any further but a little look couldn’t hurt. He walked to the other side of the desk next to Ciel, making sure not to accidentally nudge him, shuffling through the papers. There didn’t seem to be anything that looked like a speech, and Sebastian was about to give up when a small note card fluttered to the ground. It was the size of a calling card, and had typed text on it, as if from a typewriter. He picked it up carefully, nearly dropping it when he read the text.

_ I can’t love you. I’m so sorry.  _

Sebastian made a noise of surprise causing the figure next to him to stir from his slumber. “Hngh...Sebastian?” Ciel lifted his head, too slow to catch Sebastian shoving the card into his pocket.

“I-I came to wake you for dinner, My Lord.”

Ciel yawned. “Don’t bother. I’m not hungry. Can you just leave something in my bedroom for later?”

“Are you tired? Would you like to retire early, My Lord?”

“No, I’ll stay here.”

Sebastian had a feeling if he left Ciel here, he’d sleep at his desk all night. And when he came back two hours later, he found he was right. Ciel had fallen back asleep, and so Sebastian carefully laid a blanket across his shoulders so he wouldn’t get cold. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, he leaned down and also placed a gentle kiss to the top of his head.

_ He may have grown up, but he certainly hasn’t changed.  _

  
  


The next morning, Ciel woke with a crook in his neck.  _ God dammit, did I fall asleep at my desk?  _ He angrily opened his eyes, reluctant to face the bright sunlight that shone in through the office windows, the blanket around his shoulders falling to his waist. 

_ What’s this? When did I… ah. It was probably Sebastian.  _

Ciel couldn’t help but smile softly.  _ For all my trying to be distant, he sure manages to find ways to take care of me… even when I’m being a brat.  _

He yawned. He certainly hadn’t made it anywhere with his notes for the proposal, although the speech was done. He opened the desk drawer directly in front of him to make sure the papers were still where he’d put them. Then he stretched with another yawn and decided he’d better get ready for today, as this was the evening that Aunt Francis and Lizzie were set to arrive. 

He swallowed nervously. He already felt sick to his stomach and he hadn’t even seen them yet. This was going to be a hellish 48 hours. 

  
  


Sebastian was in the kitchen, checking in the delivery of produce that had arrived that morning. He smiled warmly when Ciel walked into the room. Baldroy was buzzing around, mumbling to himself about how many people he had to cook for that night, and Ciel couldn’t tell if he looked happy or not. The young master made his way over to the butler, glancing over his shoulder (yes, he was tall enough to do that now!) at the list of deliveries he was checking off. 

As if reading his mind, Sebastian whispered, “Baldroy is ecstatic, I assure you. He hasn’t been this excited to cook in a very long time, he tells me.” 

Ciel sighed. “Good, I really need this to go off without a hitch.” 

“I am here to make sure it does,” Sebastian assured him. 

Suddenly, Ciel realized he was being far too nice to the butler already today - it must be the damned blanket thing! - and instantly remembered his vow to prove to himself and Sebastian that there were no…  _ feelings… _ he had for the other man. 

“Where’s my breakfast! I’m starving. And you need to come help me dress after. My suit arrived from the tailor yesterday.” 

“Your breakfast is ready, Sir. On the dining table, with a silver cover over it to keep it warm. Hopefully you can dine alone as I’m very busy this morning,” Sebastian replied, not once glancing at the young man next to him. 

Ciel blinked once, then twice.  _ Sneaky butler! _ He was playing the same game it seemed. Ciel  _ humphed _ and turned on his heel to head into the next room. “That’s fine,” he called over his shoulder. “Don’t slack, and meet me in my room in 30 minutes.”

Sebastian didn’t respond, just kept marking things off on the clipboard in his hands. Ciel growled and walked faster, eager to put more space between him and the cause of his pounding heart. 

Breakfast was satisfactory, Ciel noted, hoping that the quality of food he was experiencing would be matched if not exceeded once the guests arrived. He left his dishes on the table and headed up to his dressing room where his new suit was hanging up in front of the wardrobe, freshly pressed and ironed having been delivered from the tailor that morning. He fingered the fine blue wool fabric accented with a soft grey check. The silk tie hung over the hanger, cufflinks pinned to the collar of his stark white shirt. 

Lizzie would like this outfit, especially the diamond cufflinks and the rings he was going to wear. 

But why did that make him feel so sad? 

A knock came to the door. “Enter,” Ciel called back as Sebastian stepped through the threshold. “Ah, perfect timing.”

Sebastian was silent as he tread over to Ciel’s side where the two of them appraised the suit together. “It’s very nice,” Sebastian said, fingering the fabric. “It’s easy to see from first glance that this suit is of the highest quality.” 

“Yes, it should be for the pretty penny I spent on it.”

Sebastian huffed. “Since when have you been one to worry about the price of a thing?”

“I’m not,” Ciel countered. “It means nothing to me,” he added dramatically and Sebastian laughed, causing Ciel’s cheeks to turn red. “Ugh, don’t laugh at me. Make yourself useful and help me get into this.” 

Ciel shrugged off his dressing gown, the fabric slipping down his arms as it pooled around his ankles. Sebastian made a point of looking away, for show, before sneaking a glance discreetly. 

_ Hmm, he is beautiful. _

It was getting too hard to resist. 

Sebastian cleared his throat. “Lady Midford just called before I came up here. She said there’s a storm predicted to hit tonight, and they’re concerned they may not be able to make the journey from their estate in the country due to the foreseeable rain and lightning.” 

Ciel groaned. “What? I didn’t see that in the paper this morning. Are you sure?” 

“That’s what she told me, my Lord.”

“Well…” Ciel glanced out the window. “It certainly is clear right now. I highly doubt it will storm tonight. Call her back and tell her to keep me updated but I am expecting them this evening.” 

“Very well.”

Sebastian helped Ciel dress, the rushing heat in his body flaring red hot at every touch of his hands against Ciel’s body. He had just come from the kitchen and only momentarily realized he had forgotten his gloves after it was too late. 

Ciel noticed this, but refrained from commenting on it. Besides, the little stings of electricity he felt when Sebastian touched him was oddly therapeutic and he didn’t want it to stop. Even though he was desperately trying to prove to himself that he wasn’t in love with him. Or at the very least didn’t need his touch to calm his every nerve, as he did now. 

Sebastian didn’t want Ciel to be dressed yet, because then that would mean he’d have to stop touching him, and he’d be dismissed. He didn’t want to leave. Just being around him made everything he’d chosen to do worth it. And so, as he held open Ciel’s shirt for him to slip his arms into, instead of pulling it up his back and slipping it all the way on, Sebastian stopped halfway and stepped closer, pressing his body flush against Ciel’s back as he placed an open mouth kiss on his neck. 

Ciel gasped, startled at the feel of Sebastian’s lips on his skin. But the sound of surprise quickly turned into a soft moan as the butler began to suck on Ciel’s neck, finishing with a small nip as he kissed his way down his shoulder. 

“S-Sebastian…” Ciel said, his voice quiet as he let out a shaky breath. “ _ Ahh… _ wh-what are you doing?” 

Sebastian wrapped his arms around Ciel’s body, his hands playing their way up his bare chest. “Ciel... I’m addicted to the way your body looks, bare and bathed in dim light. I need… I need to taste it.” Sebastian moved his head to the other side of Ciel’s neck and placed another kiss there.

_ Dammit _ ! Ciel was utterly stunned.  _ I was doing passably well avoiding my feelings but this damned butler is threatening to undo it all.  _

Ciel knew this wasn’t allowed. This was wrong. He was supposed to be proposing to another girl in 24 hours! He felt guilty, and ashamed, and embarrassed. But as Sebastian marked up his pale white skin, the only thing he could think was how it felt sadistically delicious. 

“Sebastian… we can’t... I…. please…”

Sebastian stopped kissing Ciel’s back long enough to smirk. “Please what? Do you want me to stop,  _ Ciel _ ?”

The sound of his own name sent shivers down his spine.  _ Curse the day I ever gave him permission to call me that!  _ “This is…”  _ Dammit, it’s hard to think when he’s sucking on my skin like that. _ “This is wrong… it’s bad timing, it’s unthinkable…”

Sebastian stopped kissing Ciel’s neck and swung him around, forcing him to look him in the face. Ciel tried his best to avoid Sebastian’s eyes, too embarrassed to look at him directly. He knew his face must be scarlet. “And yet?” Sebastian whispered.

“Six years…” Ciel whispered back.

Sebastian looked puzzled.

“Six years I have been unable to sever these feelings I have for you. But it’s too late now. You’re too late, Sebastian.” Ciel forced his arms out of Sebastian’s grip. “I  _ will _ propose to Lizzie. I am duty bound to do so. There’s nothing I can do about it now, and you’re only making this harder for yourself, and for me. If you care for me at all you’ll let me go.”

“You’re saying one thing but your body is saying another. Your face is red, and if you wanted to push me away, you could have by now.”

_ Why is he telling me all this  _ now _ ? This couldn’t be any worse timing! Why does he have to go and complicate things for me?  _ Ciel, frustrated, tried to cover his face with his hands but Sebastian caught them in his own, forcing them away from Ciel’s face. 

“I put too much on the line to let you go now,” Sebastian said. “I am sorry my sense of time before was so...poor. I didn’t realize-”

“Save your speeches,” Ciel snapped harshly. “Everything you say will only hurt more. Just...stop talking.”

Sebastian hardened his expression and let go of Ciel’s hands. “Fine,” he said gruffly. “I’ll stop talking.” 

Ciel looked relieved only for a moment before Sebastian placed his hands on either side of Ciel’s face, pressing their mouths together hotly.

The kiss made his knees weak, and instantly it was a fight for control of his body, which was delighted with Sebastian’s actions, whereas his mind was not.

Ciel pulled away for a breath. “ _ Mn _ ! S-Sebastian.” He was red as the rose that still sat by his bedside, eyes heavy from the feeling of the kiss; his body weak with the desire for more.

More.

_ More _ .

“Kiss me again,” Ciel begged, his voice almost whiny with the need for Sebastian’s lips.

“As you wish,  _ Ciel _ ,” Sebastian responded, eager to comply.

As Sebastian continued to kiss him, Ciel slowly warmed to the embraced, parting his own lips to kiss back more intently. When Ciel slipped his tongue inside Sebastian’s mouth, the action startled a moan from the butler, which Ciel internally smiled at. He had managed to surprise the other man. Good. He had many more tricks up his sleeve than that.

_ Wait...what am I doing? _ Ciel’s rationale fought back.  _ I can’t… _

Sebastian bit Ciel’s lower lip. 

“ _ Ah _ !” He cried in surprise. “Sebastian… please…” Please what? Did he want him to stop or not? 

A tear escaped Ciel’s eye and trickled down his cheek. Sebastian tasted it as it met their lips together. He pulled away, concern furrowing his brow as he wiped Ciel’s cheek with his thumb. “Ciel. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’ll get hurt no matter what happens… either way.”

“Then,” Sebastian pressed a kiss to each of Ciel’s cheeks. “Why not give into temptation? If not forever, just for today.”

“That’s not fair to you. It isn’t...right,” Ciel said even as Sebastian was pulling his face towards him once more. 

“Let me show you true pleasure,” Sebastian whispered in his ear.

He sounded just like the devil himself. 

Ciel thought he’d left that darkness behind long ago, but as Sebastian spoke to him again, he found it nearly impossible to resist.

He  _ had _ always been weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want to hear your thoughts on what you think Ciel would do in this situation. It'll help me write the next chapter! Look at it as a choose your own adventure thing... hehe
> 
> As always, comments are greatly appreciated. <3 thanks for reading.


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